


Take It Back

by realityisoverrated



Series: Infinite Love [76]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Polyamory, Polyfidelity, Sexual Content, Smoaking billionaires, Toliver, flommy, olicity - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 17:44:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9283037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/realityisoverrated/pseuds/realityisoverrated
Summary: Issues from Oliver and Tommy's past threaten their future.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This story depicts a polyamorous relationship between one woman and two men. If this is not something you are interested in, please stop and go no further.
> 
> This is the third installment set during their breakup. This is the installment with the most angst. Oliver and Tommy are going to have a very frank conversation about sex, but there isn't any sex.
> 
> Thank you for your continued support of this series. Your comments for the last two installments have blown me away. I am touched by how many longtime readers - first time commenters and new readers sent me a comment. Whether you've been with me since the beginning or have just joined this verse, I am grateful for each and every one of you.
> 
> I'm not telling this series in chronological order. Some readers have requested that I provide a chronological order for the fics in the series. There is no need to read them in chronological order, but in case you'd like to, the list is below. This installment is 32/76.  
> 1\. Beautiful Stranger (Part 28)  
> 2\. The Hack of the Golden Dragon (Part 36)  
> 3\. Girl Wednesday (Part 41)  
> 4\. This Time Last Year (Part 44)  
> 5\. The First Time (Part 1)  
> 6\. Aloe and Chamomile (Part 40)  
> 7\. The Italian Restaurant (Part 3)  
> 8\. Ground Rules (Part 43)  
> 9\. Do The Hustle (Part 21)  
> 10\. The Secret Ingredient (Part 65)  
> 11\. Wherever You Are, There I Am (Part 8)  
> 12\. Perfect (Part 16)  
> 13\. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (Part 49)  
> 14\. Practical Jokes and Other Misunderstandings (Part 14)  
> 15\. Cobble Hill (Part 4)  
> 16\. The Sunnybrook (Part 51)  
> 17\. House Warming (Part 15)  
> 18\. 30 (Part 30)  
> 19\. Hong Kong (Part 35)  
> 20\. Twenty Questions Over Brunch (Part 11)  
> 21\. Hildy (Part 5)  
> 22\. Burgers & Lies (Part 9)  
> 23\. You Say You Want A Revolution (Part 22)  
> 24\. Unexpected Gifts (Part 70)  
> 25\. Look Me In The Eye And Make Me Feel The Truth (Part 12)  
> 26\. Fight Night (Part 20)  
> 27\. Fear and Loathing (Part 42)  
> 28\. With The Band (Part 53)  
> 29\. The Scarecrow (Part 59)  
> 30\. An Island Of His Own Making (Part 74)  
> 31\. Pas de Deux (Part 75)  
> 32\. Take It Back (Part 76)  
> 33\. Into Thin Air (Part 17)  
> 34\. Haunted (Part 58)  
> 35\. It’s Just Like Falling (Part 27)  
> 36\. Will You Still Love Me, Tomorrow? (Part 7)  
> 37\. Life With The Arrow (Part 23)  
> 38\. Up All Night (Part 6)  
> 39\. Welcome Home (Part 10)  
> 40\. Deadshot (Part 62)  
> 41\. Better Than Chocolate Chip Banana Pancakes (Part 24)  
> 42\. The Right To Remain Silent (Part 61)  
> 43\. Home Is Where You Are (Part 2)  
> 44\. Somebody Get A Hammer (Part 26)  
> 45\. Tush Push (Part 48)  
> 46\. Elves (Part 68)  
> 47\. Three (Part 13)  
> 48\. Life Lived In The Tabloids (Part 18)  
> 49\. Tokyo Calling (Part 25)  
> 50\. Something Blue (Part 39)  
> 51\. Prudence Chastity (Part 19)  
> 52\. Love Is Worth It In The End (Part 33)  
> 53\. The Mini (Part 38)  
> 54\. The Hall of Fame (Part 46)  
> 55\. A Name By Any Other (Part 47)  
> 56\. The Drop Out (Part 32)  
> 57\. Homework (Part 64)  
> 58\. Count Your Blessings (Part 71)  
> 59\. William (Part 29)  
> 60\. Hold On For One More Day (Part 31)  
> 61\. I Have No Gifts To Bring (Part 72)  
> 62\. Yours, Mine, Ours (Part 37)  
> 63\. Rules Are Made To Be Broken (Part 55)  
> 64\. Hope Is Believing In The Light When All You See Is Darkness (Part 52)  
> 65\. Open Up And Say Ah (Part 60)  
> 66\. Saturdays With The Green Arrow (Part 34)  
> 67\. I Would Not Trade What Might Have Been For What Is (Part 50)  
> 68\. Brothers (Part 45)  
> 69\. Hallelujah (Part 69)  
> 70\. The Green Arrow Did It (Part 73)  
> 71\. Strawberry Milkshake With A Side Of Why (Part 56)  
> 72\. All About The Jeans (Part 54)  
> 73\. A Bunny For Prue (Part 63)  
> 74\. Day 107 (Part 67)  
> 75\. Boys Who Kiss Boys Who Kiss Girls Who Kiss Boys Who Kiss Boys (Part 57)  
> 76\. Tummy Aches and Heart Aches (Part 66)
> 
> Welcome to any new readers who have stumbled into this universe. The more the merrier.
> 
> Arrow and its characters do not belong to me.

>

Artwork by Lademonessa

 

The living room doors slid open and Tommy didn’t need to turn around to know that it was Oliver. He had both hands braced on the mantle and he stared into the empty fireplace grate. Tommy felt guilty for leaving Felicity upstairs alone but he was afraid that his temper was going to get the better of him and he’d say something that he’d never be able to take back. He was furious with Oliver for leaving and he was furious with himself for desperately wanting to take him back. He could hear his father in his head calling him weak for even considering taking Oliver back. Tommy didn’t know how many times he could let Oliver break his heart and still have enough pieces to put himself back together again.

“I want to come home. I miss you both, so much. I made a mistake and I’m sorry,” Oliver said from across the room.

“You’re always sorry,” Tommy said plainly.

“What are you saying?” Oliver asked with barely contained panic. “Am I too late?”

“I don’t know if I can live the rest of my life waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don’t know if I can ever trust you with my heart again. I don’t know if I can live with feeling like a dirty secret in my own home,” Tommy rubbed angrily at the tears rolling down his face. “I want to trust you, more than anything.”

“Tommy,” Oliver spoke softly, “please look at me.”

The brunette took a deep breath and turned to face the man he still loved but didn’t know if he could forgive. “What do you want, Oliver?” Tommy asked quietly as his hand tentatively landed on Oliver’s chest.

Oliver appeared to be momentarily surprised by the contact and the question. His voice heavy with emotion, he said, “Everything. I want everything. I want our life back.”

“You left. You left us.” Tommy took in a shuddering breath as the tears streamed down his face, “You left me.”

Oliver clasped Tommy’s face between his hands, “Tommy, you don’t know how much I wish I could go back and change that night.”

“But you can’t, Ollie,” Tommy pulled free of Oliver’s grasp. “Not any more than you can go back and not get on the Gambit.”

“I was broken before the Gambit,” Oliver said with tears spilling down his cheeks, “my time away just made it worse.”

“I loved you anyway,” Tommy feared that every hurt Oliver had ever landed upon him was threatening to tumble out of him. “I loved you even though you never told me that you loved me.”

“That’s not true,” Oliver said angrily as he stepped closer to Tommy. “I told you that I loved you, more than once. You were the one who never said the words.”

Tommy’s head swam as he tried to remember. He was certain he’d told Oliver that he loved him when they were growing up, just as he was certain that Oliver had never said the words to him. His anger boiled over, “You never told me that you loved me. I waited a decade for you to tell me that you loved me and then you went and died on me.”

“I told you that I loved you the night of Max Fuller’s party,” Oliver insisted.

“No, you didn’t,” Tommy tried to step away, but Oliver took hold of his arms.

“I said it twice to you that night. I said, I love you. Then I said,” Oliver ran his thumb over Tommy’s bottom lip, “I do love you, Tommy Merlyn.” Oliver’s lips brushed against Tommy’s, “I kissed you and you never said it back.”

Tommy gasped as the night Oliver spoke about came rushing back. The memory of what happened in Max’s bathroom was burned in his memory. He could still remember the slide of Oliver’s tongue across his lips and the way Oliver moaned when he sucked on Oliver’s tongue. Oliver had told him that he loved him, but he thought it was because Malcolm had beaten him and that Oliver was higher than a kite, “I thought you said it as my friend because my dad hit me.”

Oliver ran his hands through Tommy’s hair, “How many friends tell you that they love you and then kiss the breath out of you?” He rested his head against Tommy’s, “I told you that night in the hospital and the night your dad came to take you home. I told you my last night at Harvard and that weekend you came to see me at Princeton.”

Memories clawed desperately trying to break through to the surface. Tommy clutched his head as Oliver’s words began to stir things up that he wanted to leave forgotten. Anger poured out of him, “You never gave me those words.”

 “The day you read that poem in class, I thought my heart was going to burst. You said the words and I believed you,” Oliver wiped the tears from his eyes.

“I did mean them. I meant every word of that poem. I read it in front of all our classmates. How can you doubt I meant them?” Tommy struggled to understand.

“In my room that night, in my bed,” Oliver’s voice broke.

“No,” Tommy shouted. He backed away as if he could distance himself from the memory, his hands covering his ears, “I don’t want to talk about that night.”

Oliver withered under Tommy’s anger, “Tommy.”

“You don’t get to talk about that night. You broke my heart,” Tommy’s fists clenched at his sides and he began to tremble with rage. “You were right. You are just like my dad,” he lashed out. “He says he loves me too, but all he’s capable of doing is hurting me. Just like you.”

Oliver’s face went red with anger, “I’m nothing like your father. I would never treat you the way he does.”

“You might not use your fists, but you love manipulating me until I don’t know up from down.” Tommy inched closer to Oliver, “You love having power over me.”

Oliver snorted with disbelief, “Me have power over you? I have never had the power in our relationship.”

Tommy rolled his eyes. It was unsurprising that Oliver would try to turn everything around and push the accountability back onto him. It was laughable that Oliver thought that Tommy had ever been in any type of power position in their relationship. “Yeah,” he said sarcastically, “Tommy Merlyn had the power over Oliver Queen for all these years.”

“You always had the power. You may not want to talk about that night,” Oliver shouted, “but I sure as hell do.” He lowered his head and took a deep breath. When he looked back at Tommy the anger was gone from his face and had been replaced with sadness. “I held you in my arms, naked in my bed and I told you that I loved you and you didn’t say it back,” Oliver’s face crumpled.

“I did,” Tommy grabbed Oliver’s arm and pulled him close. “I told you that I loved you.”

“No,” Oliver shook his head, “you recited the poem, but you didn’t say the words on your own. You never looked me in the eyes and told me that you loved me. Even after what we did. I spoke the truth right into your flesh and you still didn’t say them back.”

That night came rushing back. The memory of the press of their naked bodies as they took pleasure from one another swam in front of his eyes. Oliver had looked him in the eyes and told him that he loved him and those words had unleashed Tommy’s orgasm. He then remembered what happened to cause him to doubt the sincerity of those words, “When your parents came home you told me that you lied to get me into bed.”

Tears streamed down Oliver’s face and his voice grew louder with each word he spoke, “My mom pretty much told my dad that I was a whore and I had just laid my heart and my body bare for you and you didn’t fucking say it back. God, Tommy,” Oliver’s voice broke, “why didn’t you say it back?”

Tommy clapped his hand over his mouth to cover his sob. He staggered back until his legs collided with a chair and he dropped into it. Oliver was right. He never said it back. He never understood Oliver’s reaction to the poem, but it made sense if Oliver had been waiting for those three little words. Oliver knelt in front of him. “How could you not know that I loved you?” Tommy asked with disbelief.

“You never initiated. Not once in all those years did you ever kiss me first,” Oliver said. “You had all this power over me and I had to beg for your love.”

The look of anguish on Oliver’s face made Tommy’s chest ache. “Ollie, that wasn’t a power play. I was afraid to,” Tommy admitted. “I was afraid you’d reject me and I’d lose you. My dad told me that you’d get bored with me – that I was just a game to you - that you could never love me. I didn’t want to lose you.”

Oliver huffed, “How could you not know that I loved you? I told you, so many times.”

“Oh, god,” Tommy covered his eyes with the heels of his hands. Before the Gambit went down, Oliver had told him that he loved him, but Tommy never heard the words as declarations of love. He’d always thought Oliver meant he loved him as a friend, as a brother. Malcolm had told him, so many times, that Oliver would never love him that he didn’t actually hear the words when Oliver spoke them to him. Tommy felt dizzy at the realization that all the years he thought Oliver was rejecting him, Oliver had said the words, I love you, and Tommy had never done the same. How could he be surprised that Oliver never took the final leap, he feared Tommy didn’t really feel the same way, “Ollie.”

“Do you remember the first time you told me that you loved me as something more than a friend?” Oliver removed Tommy’s hands from his eyes and held them tightly in his own, “It was when I came back from Lian Yu after Laurel’s death. I’d asked you if you’d forgiven Laurel and you said you had because you loved her and when I asked if you’d ever forgive me, you said,”

“God help me, I love you too,” Tommy whispered. He remembered saying the words because he hadn’t meant to say them. For the first time since Oliver had come home they’d been completely honest with each other and the words were out of his mouth without conscious thought.

“I wanted to kiss you. You have no idea how badly I wanted to kiss you,” Oliver kissed the palm of Tommy’s hand.

“Why didn’t you?” Tommy asked knowing that despite the innocence of his question, Oliver’s reasons had to be complex. He hadn’t kissed Oliver either and there hadn’t been a moment since he’d first laid eyes on Oliver after he was rescued that he hadn’t wanted to kiss Oliver.

Oliver looked pained by the questions, “I thought that we’d left that part of us in our past. When I was first rescued, I thought that you would bring it up, but you didn’t. The last time we were together, I’d been such an ass. Everything was a mess. It didn’t seem possible you would ever want me again. I was working the list. You were dating Laurel. You were in love with Laurel. You’d called me a murderer. I slept with Laurel. We thought I’d killed your dad.” Oliver held Tommy’s hand to his chest, “I was so afraid that you were going to throw me out and never speak to me again. I was so desperate to be a part of your life that I was willing to abide by whatever limitations you set on me.”

“Maybe this is a sign,” Tommy pulled away. “Maybe the only thing we can count on is that we hurt one another.

“No,” Oliver wiped angrily at his tears, “I refuse to believe that.”

“Ollie, it’s all we do. It’s all we’ve ever done.” Tommy took a ragged breath as exhaustion seeped into his bones, “How long before you take off on us again? How long before you leave me again?”

“I won’t,” Oliver started. 

“Don’t,” Tommy hissed. “Don’t say that. You’ve made that promise too many times for me to believe it again.”

“This time it’s different,” Oliver inched closer to Tommy. “This time I know that I’m stronger with you. I’m always better with you.”

Tommy collapsed into an armchair and hung his head. Oliver knelt between his legs and ran his fingers through his hair, “You were right about Hong Kong. I should’ve told you I was alive. I should’ve found another way, but I was so afraid.”

Tommy lifted his eyes and watched Oliver through tear covered lashes, “That Waller would kill me.”

“Yes, but that wasn’t it. I was afraid that you would hate me for what I’d become, a monster.” Oliver clasped Tommy’s hands, “After I knocked you out, you collapsed into my arms. I just held you.” He began to cry, “You don’t know how good it felt to hold you in my arms. To press my ear to your chest and hear your heart beat. For two years, I’d dreamt about it. I’d wake up and I could still smell your cologne and feel your warmth and then I’d realize it was just a dream. For five minutes, I had you back in my arms and then I had to send you away. It destroyed me.” Oliver’s fingers combed through Tommy’s hair and then cupped the back of his head. He slowly pulled Tommy closer until their lips were only a hair’s breadth apart, “I love you, Tommy. I have always been in love with you.” Oliver brushed his lips against Tommy’s and waited.

Tommy closed his eyes and tears gathered along his thick lashes. He let out a shaky breath, opened his eyes and then surrendered. He softly brushed his lips against Oliver’s and ran the tip of his tongue against Oliver’s bottom lip. Oliver didn’t require any further encouragement. He pulled Tommy closer and kissed him like it might be the last chance he’d ever have. The kiss was both tender and brutal and left Tommy wanting to forget everything and take Oliver back to their bed so they could make love.  “Ollie,” Tommy shook his head and pulled back to give himself much needed distance. Oliver’s kisses always made thinking difficult, “I want to believe you.”

“You’ve always been stronger than me,” Oliver squeezed Tommy’s calves. “I need you to believe me. What I did before was so much worse than this. I know that doesn’t help my cause, but if you could forgive me then because you loved me, you can forgive me now. I screwed up. I was lost and I panicked and I hurt both of you. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if you let me. I need your help. I can’t get better – be better without both of you by my side. We’ve always been better together than apart.” Oliver rested his head on Tommy’s lap, “Please, let me come home.”

Tommy covered his mouth with shaking fingers and his other hand stroked Oliver’s head. His heart was screaming at him to believe Oliver, but his head was telling him to walk away. The bigger problem was that he wasn’t in this relationship alone. He had Felicity to consider. If Felicity had chosen to forgive Oliver and to take him back, he didn’t know if he’d be strong enough to walk away from her too. “I need to talk to Felicity,” Tommy rose onto his shaky legs.

“Wait,” Oliver said hesitantly, “I think we need to talk about sex.”

Tommy eyed Oliver nervously. He was afraid to have this conversation and regretted bringing it up before he stormed out of his bedroom, “What about it?”

Oliver caught Tommy’s eyes, “I didn’t leave because of sex.”

Sex might not have been Oliver’s primary reason for leaving, but they never recovered from the fight they had the last time Oliver insisted he was ready for anal, “Didn’t you?”

“My desire for you and my reluctance to - receive – they are two different things. You know that, right?” Oliver implored as he reached for Tommy’s hand.

“As long as you realize that what upsets me is not that you haven’t wanted to have sex with me but your reasons for it.”

“Tommy, I’m not ashamed of you,” Oliver said fiercely.

“No, but you’re ashamed that you want to have sex with me and it’s difficult not to take that personally. Everything I am, I’ve given that to you – body and soul. You’re still holding back with me. You still shrink from my touch. Can you imagine how that feels? Do you know how it makes me feel that my touch repulses you?”

“No, Tommy, that’s not true. There is nothing about you that repulses me. There is nothing about our love that repulses me.”

“Then tell me what it is? Tell me why when you asked me to make love to you and then, when I touched you, you flinched?” Tommy asked sadly.

“It had nothing to do with you. I wanted you that night, Tommy, but when you touched me,” Oliver averted his eyes, “you wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me,” Tommy wanted to understand. He needed Oliver’s explanation for making him feel shame in his own bed.

“There were a lot of things I had to do to stay alive those five years I was gone. My time in Hong Kong, with Reiter and the Bratva taught me that desiring another man was a sign of weakness. To stay alive, I had to convince everyone I met that I was more dangerous than they were and to challenge me would be certain death. Admitting that I was attracted to men even to just myself, was never an option. It would’ve gotten me killed.”

“Ollie, I’m not asking you to come out to the Bratva. I am asking you to receive pleasure from me in our bed,” Tommy was frustrated that Oliver didn’t understand that distinction.

Oliver’s face was flushed and the tips of his ears were bright red, “Felicity says I developed a toxic view of masculinity while I was gone. She thinks my time in the Bratva warped my view of manhood.”

“Do you agree with her?” Tommy asked with genuine curiosity. This was the most Oliver had spoken about his feelings about being gone. He’d spoken about the physical pain, but rarely about the emotional toll it had taken.

Oliver looked away, “I know that I’m terrified that if I have sex with you, that my enemies will sense weakness and that you and Felicity will think less of me.”

“You think I’ll think less of you if you  - catch?” Tommy shook his head in disbelief.  He placed his hand over Oliver’s heart, “You know that’s irrational. How could making love to you make me feel less about you?”

“Since when have fears ever been rational,” Oliver said snidely. "Aren’t irrational fears how I got us all into this mess. You want to know why I’m afraid to have sex – it’s because,” he gestured to his body, “this is who I am.”

“Ollie,” Tommy held him in place, “I don’t understand.”

“Felicity was first attracted to me because of how I look,” Oliver said without boasting.

Tommy smiled, “Yeah, buddy, trust me, I know, you’re hot.”

A small smile tugged on Oliver’s lips, “She really fell for me when she learned I was the Hood. I saved her life.”

“The Dodger case,” Tommy remembered the first time Felicity told him the story of the thief who put a bomb collar around her beautiful neck. “When she told me that story the summer you went back to Lian Yu, it reminded me why I always loved you.”

“I was your protector,” Oliver looked at Tommy like he should understand.

“Yes, you always looked out for me.” Tommy’s hand cupped Oliver’s cheek, “You still do.”

Oliver leaned into Tommy’s hand, “You love me because I keep you safe from your father.”

“I love you for a lot more than your willingness to put yourself between me and my dad. Tell me that you know that,” Tommy pleaded.

Oliver held Tommy’s hand over his heart. He could feel the steady thrum of Oliver’s heart beneath his fingers. Oliver’s heartbeat had always been able to center Tommy. Oliver pushed Tommy’s hand harder against his chest, “In here I know all the reasons you love me and why I love you, but up here,” Oliver placed his hand against his head, “I think that the only reason that matters is that I keep you safe.”

Tommy couldn’t believe what he was hearing, “And you think that if I make love to you, I won’t see you as being my protector anymore and I’ll stop loving you.”

Tears spilled from Oliver’s eyes, “Yes.”

Tommy wanted to call Oliver a big dumb pine tree for believing such nonsense, but he could see that Oliver’s fears were very real to him. “How do I convince you that isn’t true? Because, it isn’t true. My love for you is absolute. It always has been.” Tommy hoped that Oliver had an answer for how they moved forward because he wasn’t sure if he did.

“It’s not your responsibility to convince me. This is my issue, not yours,” Oliver let go of Tommy’s hand and put some distance between them.

“Your issues are my issues. This impacts me as much as it does you.”

“Loss of control is my biggest fear,” Oliver admitted.

“Why?” Tommy hoped that Oliver would be honest with himself. If Oliver understood why he feared loss of control they might be able to address it together and get past it.

“Because, when I lose control of a situation, people I love die. My dad, Shado, Laurel, my mom. I don’t want to add you or Felicity to that list.”

Tommy wasn’t sure how Oliver could correlate sex with death. Nothing they could possibly do in their bedroom would result in Tommy or Felicity’s murder. Tommy took Oliver’s hand, “Buddy, this isn’t some Victorian morality novel. I won’t die because we have sex. Having sex with me has nothing to do with control, but it has everything to do with trust. Do you trust me?”

“With my life,” Oliver said earnestly.

“But not in our bed,” Tommy’s voice quavered.

“I trust you.”

Tommy wished Oliver’s words were true, but he couldn’t shake the image of Oliver hovering above him with a look of panic. “If that were true, my touch wouldn’t make you flinch,” Tommy’s voice broke.

“Are you saying that us getting back together is contingent on me having anal sex with you so I can prove that I trust you?”

Tommy recoiled at the notion that Oliver could believe that he would only be welcomed back if he agreed to take the next step in their sexual relationship. He grabbed Oliver’s shirt, “No. If you never try anal sex because it’s something you don’t desire, I could live with your decision. What I can’t live with is knowing that you do want to try it but you’re too afraid and don’t trust me enough to try it. We can work through this, together, but you have to trust me.”

“What does that mean?  You’ll take me back, conditionally. I don’t have to have sex with you tonight, but I will in two weeks or in two months?” Oliver accused angrily.

Tommy wasn’t sure if Oliver was being willingly obtuse or if he was trying to pick a fight, “I’m not saying that at all. If you can’t love yourself enough to take what you want, how are you ever going to ever really love Felicity and me? You have to trust that our love for you is not based on you being our protector.”

“Christmas,” Oliver blurted out.

“What about Christmas?” Tommy asked with confusion.

Oliver pointed to their fireplace, “Right there. I want you to make love to me in front of this fire on Christmas Eve.” He knelt on the rug in front of the hearth, “Four months from now, we’ll be back on solid ground and you won’t have to worry that I’m doing something just to make you happy. In four months, you’re going to make love to me because I want you. I want you, Tommy. I’m not ashamed. I’m not repulsed.”

“Oliver,” Tommy said softly as he knelt before him and took his hands, “you don’t need to set a date. I’ve never wanted you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or rush you into something. I just need to know that you’re committed to working on this fear with us. Felicity and I will do whatever we can to help you.”

Oliver smiled with relief, “Yes, I’m willing to do whatever it takes. I want to give you everything I am. I want to give you my body and soul. I know I’ve asked for your patience for almost twenty years. I need you to be patient a little while longer. I promise, I want this. I want us. Please, Tommy. You just told me that you still love me, now I just need you to forgive me. I need you to tell me I can come home.”

“It’s not just up to me. Felicity has to agree,” Tommy rose to his feet and shoved his hands in his pockets to keep them from shaking. “I need to talk to her.”

As Tommy opened the living room doors, Oliver stood and quietly said, “She chose you.”

Tommy paused. There was a time when he would’ve doubted who Felicity would choose. He felt overwhelmed with love for Felicity when he realized that it never occurred to him that she would leave him for Oliver. Something had shifted inside of him after spending the past six weeks with Felicity. He would never doubt her commitment to their relationship or her love for him again. Oliver might’ve put them through hell, but it had also been a gift. His bond with Felicity was now unbreakable.

Oliver wrongly interpreted Tommy’s silence as relief. His hand landed on Tommy’s shoulder and squeezed gently. Oliver’s breath gently caressed his ear, “She loves you. Don’t ever doubt her love, especially not because of me.”

“Don’t go anywhere,” Tommy wiped the tears from his eyes.

Felicity was sitting on the edge of their bed with her fingers twisted in her robe as she stared blankly at the wall. Tommy knelt in front of her and took hold of her hands, “You okay?”

She squeezed his fingers, “That was a lot of shouting. Are you?”

He brushed his lips against hers and she laid back on their bed pulling him on top of her. Tommy’s arms wrapped around her back and he rolled them until she was sprawled across his chest. He rubbed his nose against hers, “What do you want me to do?”

Felicity gripped the front of his t-shirt and smiled at him, “I want you to do whatever is best for you.”

“Even if it isn’t Oliver?” he asked.

Felicity’s features softened as he studied her face. Her hands ran up his chest and cupped his cheeks, “You and me until the wheels come off. If you can’t be with him, then I can’t be with him.”

He rolled them again until he was on top, cradled between her legs. Felicity’s face was open and her eyes were full of love. There was no question that she meant every word she said, in that moment. “What about a month from now, or six months from now, or a year from now? Will you regret picking me over him.”

“I will never regret you, Tommy Merlyn,” she kissed him.

Tommy lowered his head to the crook of her neck and began to cry. Felicity’s arms wrapped around him and her fingers carded through his hair. “I don’t know what to do,” he admitted through his tears. “He said all the right words. I want to believe him.”

“It’s okay to love him. It’s okay to forgive him,” she said with her lips pressed against his ear. “It doesn’t make you weak if you forgive him. That’s your father’s voice, not yours. Forgiveness takes strength and compassion, both of which you have in spades.”

Tommy lifted his head to look at her, “What if he does it again?”

She sighed, “I know how much this has hurt you and that this isn’t the first time that he has done this to you,”

“But?” he asked.

“Eighteen years, Tommy,” she stroked his cheek. “Eighteen years from that first kiss until today. You’ve come so far together. This is a setback, but it doesn’t have to be the end.”

Tommy’s face crumpled, “I’m afraid.”

“I know,” she kissed him. “I am too.”

“What if I can’t?” Tommy’s fist pressed against his chest. “What if we’re too broken? What if that was as good as it gets and all we have left to give each other is pain?”

“I don’t believe that,” Felicity caressed his cheek. “You hurt each other out of fear. If you’re finally honest with one another, I think you’ll finally stop hurting one another. I think it can get better from here.”

Heavy tears fell from his eyes, “What if I just want it to stop? I’m so tired. Love shouldn’t have to be a constant battle.”

She kissed him, “Then you and I will figure out how to move forward, together. Our decision, right?”

“Am I forcing your hand? If I wasn’t here, you’d take him back,” Tommy said with one hundred percent conviction that he was right. If only Oliver and Felicity had been together, she would’ve taken him back the moment he apologized.

“But you are here,” she wiped the tears from his eyes. “You’ve always been here. I love Oliver. I love you. Your heart is my heart and if you need more time or if you can’t move past what Oliver did, then that’s our decision.”

“Please, Tommy. I’m doing the best I can. I’m trying,” Oliver said from the threshold of their bedroom. “I want to be the man you both need me to be, but it isn’t easy.”

“We don’t think it’s easy,” Felicity said as Tommy helped her to stand up. “We know how hard this is for you, but you have to learn to share this stuff with us or we’ll just end up back here again the next time you feel powerless.”

“What now?” Oliver asked tentatively.

“It’s late. We’re all tired,” Felicity answered. “I think we should all get some sleep.”

Oliver rubbed his hands over his eyes, “Okay, I’ll come back first thing in the morning.”

“That’s silly,” Felicity said, “it’s late. You should just stay in the guestroom.”

Oliver swallowed heavily and looked down the hall towards the guest room that doubled as Felicity’s spare closet, “Okay.”

“There are fresh linens on the bed and towels in the bathroom,” she said kindly. “You know where everything is.”

“I love you both,” Oliver said. “I know that I made this mess and that I hurt you both. I never wanted to hurt either of you. I thought I was doing what was best for you. I know that it wasn’t my decision to make and I hope that you’ll be able to forgive me. I want my life back,” Oliver pleaded. “I want our life back. Tommy?”

 A lifetime spent with Oliver flashed through his mind. The good they shared far outweighed the bad, but there had been so much pain with their happiness. Tommy had found happiness with Felicity and he could spend a lifetime building a home and a family with her. He didn’t need Oliver to be happy or to be fulfilled, but it didn’t mean that he didn’t love Oliver with everything he was. He wanted their life back too. “Then take it back, Ollie,” Tommy’s hands flexed against Felicity’s hips.

Oliver let out the breath he was holding, “Thank you.”

He lunged forward to kiss Felicity, but Tommy’s hand flashed out and landed in the center of his chest, “Be sure, Oliver. This is your last chance.”

Oliver lifted Tommy’s hand to his lips and kissed his palm, “I am sure. I want this. I want to come home.”

Tommy nodded his head almost imperceptibly. Oliver dropped his eyes and looked to Felicity. She reached out with a trembling hand and caressed his cheek, “Come home, Oliver.”

Oliver’s arms flashed out and he pulled Felicity from her feet and held her tightly against his chest. With his head buried against Felicity’s neck he reached out for Tommy and pulled him against them. Tommy’s body went rigid as it collided with Oliver’s side. Oliver lifted his head and looked at Tommy with a raised brow. “Tommy?” his voice broke.

Tommy took a deep breath and relaxed against Oliver. “This isn’t going to be easy. You can’t pretend that nothing happened. We can’t pretend that nothing happened.”

“This is just the beginning,” Felicity said kindly. “We have a lot of hard work ahead of us.”

“I’m willing to do whatever it takes,” Oliver promised.

“Okay, but we’re nowhere near done talking about this,” Tommy stepped out of Oliver’s arms. “It’s been a long day. I need to get some sleep.” He moved to his side of the bed and pulled back the covers. Felicity pulled a pair of pajamas from her drawer and quickly got changed. Tommy waited for her to get under the covers before he slid in beside her.

Oliver stood awkwardly by the door. Tommy realized that Oliver was unsure if his invitation to come home included a return to their bed. Tommy reached across Felicity and turned the covers down on Oliver’s side. “Don’t forget to turn out the light,” Tommy reminded Oliver.

Oliver’s eyes welled with tears, but he quickly complied with Tommy’s request to turn off the lights. He removed his sweatshirt and laid down in his spot next to Felicity. He let out a shaky breath and into the darkness he said, “Thank you.”

The three laid side by side in the darkness, staring at the ceiling. Tommy reached out and laced his fingers with Felicity’s. His heart was hammering in his chest. He wasn’t sure if it was from the excitement of getting another chance to live the life the three had built or if it was from the terror of having made a huge mistake.

“Where are you guys going tomorrow?” Oliver asked quietly.

“Oh,” Felicity’s head turned towards Tommy, as if she could see him in the dark, “we were planning on going to Santa Barbara.”

Tommy decided that they might as well test out the fragility of their relationship before they all got too invested again, “We’re sailing to Santa Barbara. We’ll make some stops along the way.” He braced himself for Oliver’s usual meltdown.

Oliver was quiet for a moment, “Can I come?”

Tommy rolled to his side, “On the Sunnybrook?”

“Yes,” Oliver said hesitantly. “If you’re sailing to Santa Barbara, I want to come with you. It will give all of us a chance to talk without any interruptions.”

“Are you sure?” Felicity rested her hand on Oliver’s chest. “Getting on a boat is something you never have to do for us.”

“Do you not want me to come with you?” Oliver’s voice sounded small and uncertain.

“Of course we want you to come,” Felicity tried to reassure him. “Isn’t that right, babe?”

Tommy had wanted Oliver to come out on the Sunnybrook from the moment they’d given her to him for his thirtieth. He never thought he’d ever get Oliver to agree. His throat tightened with emotion, “Yeah, buddy. I’d really like it if you came with us.”

“Good, I’ll clear my schedule for the week,” the smile was evident in Oliver’s voice. “Felicity?”

“Yeah,” she responded through a yawn.

“May I hold you?” he asked shyly.

Tommy squeezed and then let go of her hand. Felicity rolled onto her side with her back to Oliver, “I’d like that.”

Oliver turned over and spooned Felicity from behind. He reached out for Tommy’s hip and squeezed.

Tommy took a deep breath and rolled onto his side facing Felicity and Oliver.

“Please,” Oliver said hoarsely, “I need to hold you too.”

Tommy shifted closer to Felicity.

Oliver’s hand snaked away from Felicity’s hip until it found Tommy’s. He placed his hand on the small of Tommy’s back and pulled him until he was close enough for Oliver to tangle their legs together. Felicity rested her head against Tommy’s chest and let out a contented sigh. Tommy reached across Felicity and rested his hand on Oliver’s back. The mottled skin felt familiar and Tommy couldn’t help himself from tracing Oliver’s scars with his fingers. He could feel Oliver relax beneath his touch. It didn’t take long for his lovers to fall asleep and his own eyes became heavy. Nothing was fixed and they still had a lot of work to do to rebuild their trust, but Oliver was home, they had love and they had one another and it would have to be enough to knit back together what had been unraveled. He closed his eyes with the hopeful certainty that tomorrow would be a new day for all of them and they could begin again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Kudos and comments are always welcomed and appreciated. Hearing from you is my favorite part of the day.
> 
> Saturday's installment will be more humorous. A Smoak child experiences his/her first arrest. Any guesses?
> 
> The answers to Saturday's trivia questions are below. There are more questions and answers available on tumblr. http://realityisoverrated-fic.tumblr.com/post/155511235390/infinite-love-the-trivia-game  
> 1\. Where did Oliver, Tommy and Felicity share their first kiss? Verdant  
> 2\. How old were Oliver and Tommy when they kissed for the first time? 12  
> 3\. Who told Felicity he loved her first? Oliver  
> 4\. Who did Felicity realize she was in love with first? Tommy  
> 5\. Who was the first person told about the Tommy/Oliver/Felicity;s relationship? Diggle  
> 6\. What song did Tommy sing to Felicity at Mr. Dennis’ daughter’s wedding? It Had To Be You  
> 7\. What are the full names of all four Smoak children? Robert John, Rebecca Dearden, Nathaniel Edward, Prudence Harper  
> 8\. What was Malcolm’s wedding present to Felicity? Tommy's mom's diamond necklace and a photograph of Malcolm and Rebecca on their wedding day.  
> 9\. What did Tommy pay $50 for when he visited Felicity in Gotham? Whipped Cream  
> 10\. Where did Tommy, Oliver and Felicity go on their honeymoon? Lake Como, Italy
> 
> You can also come say hi to me on tumblr. http://realityisoverrated-fic.tumblr.com/


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